Wilde Six Acres

I still miss her everyday

2012-01-19T23:00:00.000-08:00

I still miss my Gram. Everyday. And today is her birthday and I could not help but remember all the times she took care of me and just loved me. Just. The. Way. I. Was.

Happy Birthday Gram! I am sure you are having a slice of heavenly cake and a glass of Pepsi on the rocks.

a few of my favorites.

2011-12-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

luckiest day in 100 years.

2011-11-11T06:32:00.000-08:00

Today, my favorite day in 100 years, I think about all the wishes I have made, living below the beautiful Ben Lomond Peak, and now behind her against Willard Peak I make wishes for my kids. Last month we hiked to the top of Old Ben. And I felt this tangible thrill, my goodness, I have waited so long to stand on top of her Peak, and look at the vast valley below. I pushed ahead of the group, and make it to the top first, and took a minute with just me and that lucky mountain. The one that protected me from the wind, caught my white bees in the winter, and colored the landscape in the fall. Standing on top of the mountain, I realized the triple vantage point of my hometown, my college town, and where I now call home. And then I looked up, to the massive sky above, and saw another vantage point, the one that God has over all of us, and knew, on that day, and today, the luckiest day in 100 years, that I was blessed and watched over.

a day with mom

2011-10-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

The kids and I spend a day with my mom yesterday and had the best time. We went to "This is the Place" park, then to a lovely and so yummy restaurant called Oasis, and then to the kids favorite park in SLC, Memory Grove Park. We walked up the long trail next to the creek and looked and the leaves that had changed color, and wow, it all took our breath away. The kids each got cookies as big as Frisbee's at the restaurant, and ate them as we all walked along the trail. I loved the whole day!

On the way there I got pulled over by the highway patrol for going faster than the 65 mile speed limit. I always feel like I wanna cry when I get in trouble like that. Dang it! But he was so nice, and just said to slow down and be careful. WHEW! I have never gotten out of a ticket. Maybe it helped that my mom was with me. She made the day so fun, and I am always grateful to have her nearby to go on adventures with me and the kids.

writing, writing, writing

2011-10-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

I am writing each and every night after the kids go to bed, and I love it! I feel like there really is a story in me, and I just need to make sure that I am telling it with enough interest and fun dialog to capture the attention of the reader. I am hoping to be done by Christmas. Go! Go! Go! Is all I think about!
In other news, Emma is now in the gifted and talented program in Box Elder! YEAH!!!! She really needs this. She absorbs information in such a different way, and is a perfectionist with what she does. I am thrilled that she will get this valuable education. I took her this morning and dropped her off at the school where they have the program and the teacher was so enthusiastic. Today will be a good day!

a big milestone!

2011-09-26T06:52:00.000-07:00

Hayden turned 12 this week, and it was such a great few day. He was so happy to 1st, pass hunters safety, 2nd get his first gun!!, and 3rd, to get ordained into the Priesthood. We loved having all of our family there for such a special day yesterday, followed by such a fun visit and dinner. We are so fortunate to have family that supports us so well during these big milestones. In another 12 years Hayden will be in a completely different phase of life, and that really seems so far away. But, I know how fast these last 12 have gone, so it is time to take advantage of each and every day. I still remember bringing him home from the hospital and touching his tiny toes and watching his tiny face and knowing that he was very special.

what 40 is!

2011-09-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

My sister Jeannie turned 40 a few weeks ago.
40 is pretty smart! And pretty! And the life of the party. She is happy, and helpful, and loyal and sincere. :)

that'll do.

2011-07-22T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am not an animal lover. I must confess. But I am a lover of those who love animals. Like my kids. And my husband. It feels like...the last few years have been laced with the pets that too soon left our lives. Even if that 'too soon' was more than twenty years like our dear horse Tory.

Still.

When an animal falls ill beyond hope...the last thing that feels right is keeping them alive. When we left for San Diego, our lab, black as night whose name is Cole, got very sick. When we returned, there was almost nothing left of him. Except. His happy black face. And, his will to want to please the kids and Kory. And of course, his appetite for strawberries. He seemed fine, until you looked at him sideways. And saw that he was nothing but skin and dog bones.

Years back Cole ran away from home one day, chasing the smell of things beyond our green grass. We looked for him for days. High and low. Far and wide. It seemed the dog was gone forever. We all cried, and felt so sad that his reddish brown collar did not have his name around his neck, so someone would find him and bring him back to us.

In a last ditch effort, Emma and I went to the pound one last time, after several days of looking. We walked into the barking carnival, and down at the far end we could see a dog, as black as railroad coal, jumping for the sky. "It's ME, It's ME!" He must have said in dog language! Emma and I could not believe our eyes. It really WAS him!! He jumped so high that day he nearly cleared the dog kennel they had him in. Never has there been a happier dog. Or a happier little girl. My Emma and I shared a few tears that day, and when we called Kory, his voice cracked when we told him we had found our dog at long last.

And so. On Wed when Cole collapsed. With no strength. We knew. That his life was nearly over. Hayden cried so hard it broke my heart. Emma's tears fell fast, and Kory and I sat there with our eyes filled to the brim. For a brief moment Cole lifted his head long enough for me to snap a picture. And Hayden said, "I had some hope right then Mom that Cole was going to be ok." But Hayden knew. And we all knew. That Cole's happy tail, his shiny black coat, and his appetite for strawberries, would have to wag on in heaven.

That'll do Cole. That'll do.

The kids say goodbye to Cole.

Kory, Wiley, and Cole in 2009.

Welcome to BC Angel Moroni.

2011-07-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday the kids and I waited in the rain. Then waited in the wind. Then waited in the sun. Then went and got some snacks. Then waited while eating doughnuts. And visited while waiting. Then pushed the baby to rock her to sleep. Then waited some more. And more.

And then, the moment happened, and Angel Moroni was hooked up to the crane. His flight had begun! The horn was blown from the top of the crane! They were ready for him!! The crowd erupted!! The missionaries started singing! I jumped up and down! The baby was still sleeping.

And I got chills. And for a moment,I thought, "This is what it must have felt like to be an early member of the church...when all the first temples were buing built." Such awe.

What a great, wonderful, amazing day to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint in Brigham City Utah!

...

2011-07-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

Boogie. Boogie. Laugh. Laugh.

2011-07-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

I loved, loved, loved watching James and Hayden and Emma boogie together. It was priceless. Bring on the waves!!

San Diego! I love you!

2011-07-13T20:14:00.001-07:00

Such a fun family trip to San Diego! We loved being with Jut and Abs and the boys. There are a few times as a mother that you just sit back and watch your kids having the time of their life...and watching Hayden and Emma in the ocean for the first time ever was one of those moments. Hayden's laugh the first time he caught a wave on the boogie board is forever etched in my mind. Emma running around the beach catching tiny sand crabs, and Maggie running from the waves...these are the things I will remember from our trip to San Diego. Thank you to Justin and Abbie for sharing their CA life with us!! They were such good hosts and made us feel so welcome.

20 year spin.

2011-06-30T05:35:00.000-07:00

I loved loved loved going to my 20 year HS reunion! The thing is though, I had nervous anxiety for a few weeks prior to the event. All that pressure!! Meeting up with people I had not seen in years, and what would they think of me?? Turns out, I had nothing to be worried about. 20 years seems to put everyone on the same level. I had a few amazing moments that made the reunion worthy of writing a great story.
And one day, I will do just that.

Very Lucky Friday the 13th

2011-05-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

The best part about today was that Toots had her new baby boy this morning! I just luv my sista and am so proud of her for having five kids and being such a good mom!! YEAH for babies!!! Welcome Truman!!!

Tonight my sista Jeannie & Steve and fam met me and Hayd and Maggs at Willard Bay for some fun in the sun. Dad brought over the 1969 motor boat, which we were DYING at how awesome it was! And he took us for a couple long rides around the lake. He recently rebuilt the entire engine, making it as good as new. Everything in the boat is original, and Jeannie and I were laughing that the last time we were in that boat was when Grandpa H had it and it was kinda 'new'. Maggs fell fast asleep in the boat, she was pretty worn out. It was soooo much fun! Can't wait to do it again!

such a fun month!

2011-05-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

one day.

2011-03-10T22:20:00.000-08:00

One day I would like to have someone throw a party. Just for me. One day I would like to be pampered from head to toe. And then taken shopping in a limo. Just because. One day I would like to fly to the moon. And back again. On my lunch break. One day I would like to wish on a star from Greece or throw a penny in a lucky pool in Rome. One day I would like to let all my cares go down the drain, and plant flowers all day long. One day I would like my kitchen to stay clean, my bed to stay made, and my hair to stay in place. But today. I will not think about one day. Only today.

back at it.

2011-03-06T06:43:00.000-08:00

I have not been running since November. So yesterday, I decided to wake up and go for a short run. It was really tough! I loved it though, and now that the weather is warming up I am going to try and go more often. I am going to allow myself winter off from running each year. It probably makes things harder to get back into, but if I give myself permission to stop running during the coldest months, then I won't beat myself up each time I skip running. Anyway, that is my plan. Run from March-mid November. Then do something indoors for the other four months.

Awww BABY!!!

2011-03-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

Hayden's last game.

2011-02-28T05:27:00.000-08:00

Hayden loooooves basketball. However, his team...they were not winners this year. They beat one team, and one team only. They did however, improve game after game. Hopefully this summer we will be able to put Hayden in the Utah State Basketball camp so he can learn some sweet moves.

The four walls go up.

2011-02-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

The BC Temple is starting to take shape! It is so cool to drive by and see the progress that is being made.

Messy Baby.

2011-01-30T20:02:00.000-08:00

Maggie has hit the 'Messy Baby' stage. You know, where you give her a cookie and it somehow gets smeared into wet ick all over her face. Yes. This is a love/hate stage. However, just check out how happy her little face is, eating her cookie and celery. And guess what? She cleans up spic and span. :)

Jogging Stroller...

2011-01-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

For months now I thought...if I only had a jogging stroller I would get back into running. Well I found a great deal on a BOB jogging stroller. I believe they retail for right around $300, and I got mine for $120...Thank you CHRISTENSEN'S in Brigham City!!! They were having some sort of crazy deal on them. Before I made the purchase I went home and did some research on them, and they are every bit as good as they say they are. Now I can't wait to have it get just a titch warmer so that I can strap Maggie into it and go for a run.

Here is a pic of the one i got...

Jazznation!

2010-12-07T21:57:00.001-08:00

Hayden and I were VERY lucky to get tickets the the Jazz game a few weeks ago. My friend Joe Sako and his wife gave us the best seats EVER!!! 13th row!! We took some good advice from my boss, Joe, and arrived there early enough to meet a few of the players. Even Coach Sloan! He was my favorite. Just like you would expect him to be, slightly crusty, funny, and great with the kids. Hayden told me, "This is the best day of my life mom." We had such a good time, and Hayden loved each and every minute of it. We worked hard on our dancing moves and made it on the JumboTron, kind of a little dream of mine. After the winning game was over with we headed back to Ogden via frontrunner. AKA the Victory Train! Hayden was a trouper and kept me awake on the drive from the station to home by repeating each and every amazing play of the game. Thanks SAKOS!!!

arrow of light.

2010-11-17T05:41:00.001-08:00

Hayden got his Arrow of Light tonight. We were all so proud of him. The guys doing the little ceremony made it so cool for Hayden and Bret. Hayden had to pin an award on me, and luckily my friend captured the extremely embarrasing hug and KISS Hayden had to give me. He is one great kid, so happy and proud of him.

the sakos and the windbreaker club.

2010-11-17T05:34:00.000-08:00

The Sako's joined us for breakfast in the heart of BC, at JD's family dining. Little did we know that we would encounter the famous 'windbreaker club'. Their famed picture flank an entire wall. With each gentleman wearing a useful windbreaker. As we began to eat our delicious breakfast, in they walk, one by one. They sat right behind Joe Sako, and as you can see from the pic, they all look very famous. Including the Sakos.

Deseret News!

2010-11-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

After several weeks of waiting, ok it was like 2.5, I finally heard back from the Deseret News!! I get to be a writer for them!! I am so excited!! SO excited! How cool!! Anyway, they let me pick my topic for a feature article, and then they approve it, and I go to work. I already have so many ideas!! Look at all these exclamation points!!! YAY MEEEE!!! This will be a little different from my column, as my column in written in first person, and the features will not be about me at all. No talk about how I get my legs so shiny, or my weakness for Cowboys. However, I will still let my personality and writing style come through. I am so thankful for all of these new opportunities. I feel such a passion about following this dream. Doors do open when you are pushing through them.

a tribute.

2010-10-22T07:54:00.000-07:00

When I went to Parent Teacher conf. yesterday there was an amazing tribute to all of the Grandparents of 5th graders, and MANY other great people from our past and present. It was in the main lobby of the elementary. Hayden pointed out where HIS was - all about Grandpa Humphreys, placed fittingly right by Henry Ford. I love that Hayden loves his Grandpa Humphreys! He also wrote a little card about BOTH of his Grandpa's for serving in the military. I loved it!

Cold little heaven...

2010-10-22T07:48:00.001-07:00

I took the kids on an adventure to Cold Stone Creamery on Sat. It was the best! Hayden and Emma were blown away by all of the choices. Sprinkles, brownies, candy bars, toppings of every kind. And what did they get?? Emma got cotton candy ice cream with gummy bears. A favorite of some of my favorite people. Hayden got cotton candy ice cream with ...kit kat. Anyway, he thought it was the best thing he had EVER tasted. Clearly, I need to take them out for fine treats more often. We all had a great day!

seven month spin.

2010-10-18T06:08:00.001-07:00

Love this little angel.

26.2 miles, and a girls trip!

2010-10-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

We had SO much fun in St. George cheering on my brother as he ran his FIRST marathon! He did amazing! Coming in at around 3:40. It was a rush to see him and all the other runners pass us near the end of the race. I nearly cried on several occasions. The blind man running, the first woman to cross, and of course my brother... all got me emotional. We had a great time shopping and eating afterward, and hearing Toots' good news!! She is preggers with lucky #5! The best part was meeting baby Will. He is soooo sweet. There is nothin like meeting a new baby for the first time. :)

new blog, just for atmosphere.

2010-10-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

For those of you interested in reading what I write, I have created a new blog called 'Atmosphere by Amy Wilde'. I will keep posting to this blog as well, but my crazy, random, and sometimes meaningful writings will now be posted on my Atmosphere blog. Thanks for reading!

www.amywildeatmosphere.blogspot.com

a boy and his horse.

2010-09-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

There was a horse, born 26 years ago on hill below the mountain. This horse was tough, but small in size, and because so ...nobody wanted her. There was a boy, who wanted the horse, the horse that nobody wanted. He needed this horse, and she needed him, and so it was decided. She was his best girl, his companion of the outdoors, and the magic in his childhood. The boy rode the horse high and low, whispering in her ear, and telling her all his stories. She took him places, just she and him, all over the face of the mountain. They grew up together, this horse and this boy, the horse that nobody wanted. They went to college, to rodeos, and miles and miles of hunting. This boy and his horse.

The years went by and the horse got sick. But, oh, how she was wanted. The boy was a man, and knew the time had come, but didn't want to face it. The man and the horse walked together... to a special place on the mountain, and the man and his horse looked at each other... one last time. The boy hesitated. The man was brave. And the world stood still. For a moment it was just the boy and his horse, and all those miles, and all those trails. It was her shiny coat, and her warm smell. Her tough personality, and loyal friendship. It was all the years, and all the memories, all remembered in a few perfect moments. Then the thunder clapped, the sound rang strong, and the mighty girl went quiet. This horse that was so wanted. The boy and the man, they fell together and drowned in the sorrow. A bond that could never be broken. Because the boy loved the horse. And the horse, well she loved the boy. He buried her in a safe place on the mountain, a place they both called home. Next to a rock that will never be moved, and a buckle never to be worn again. This horse that was so wanted.

taking it all in.

2010-09-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

Maggie is already six months old! I am trying to take it all in and just enjoy her little babiness, and fat cheeks, and drooling smile. At six months old she already loves fashion, shakes, and late night movies. She loves cuddling, walks in the park, and sunsets. Kory's whiskers, Emma's realistic animal noises, and Hayden's kisses. Sometimes I will think to myself, "I have THREE kids!"...and then I smile. It does not really seem possible, but here they are all calling me Mom. Well, almost all of them.

my Angel Emma.

2010-09-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

Emma had a great day today, and was so excited to be baptised. She looked like an angel the whole day, even covered in mud on her way in the door tonight after playing with the dogs and feeding the horses. She has already confessed to me that she has sinned. She took food out of the kitchen. LOL! I am pretty proud of this freckled face little girl. She has had my heart for eight years.

THANK you so much to my family and close friends who came to support Emma. I was in tears just thinking about all the love. Sigh. :)

hello September.

2010-09-03T21:29:00.000-07:00

Fantastic pic taken by Ladd Darley. It is of Kory and Boyd in Yellowstone.

I think I love September the most. It is the month I fell in love with my hubs, 14 years ago, on the most beautiful campus in the world at Utah State University. It is the month that is still Summer, but almost Fall. It is new clothes for school, and corn on the cob. It is Peach Days, and some of my favorite birthday's. It has one holiday, that requires no gift giving. It is filled with fantastic photography light, just before the sun heads down for a little sleep. It is by far my favorite month. So my September, here is to you, the next 27 great days. I hope you don't let me down.

Famous in BEC. Amy Wilde: Atmosphere

2010-08-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

I have read Dear Abby forever. FOREVER. I loved each morning opening the paper and seeing her 50's haircut, and her solid words of advice. I remember thinking, I would like to see my picture and words in print someday. Well, I finally got the courage up to take in some of my sample columns into the Box Elder News Journal...and after a bit of a wait, and some persistence...I have my own column!! The editor is going to let me have a monthly column, and I could not be more thrilled!!!! Thank you to all of my friends and family who have supported me in this little dream. You are my best writing inspiration. :) The column name is Atmosphere. Named for the air we create around us, for the motion we make when we move, for the wind that carries our thoughts, and for the vast amounts of feeling in this universe. I am so excited to keep writing!! If you are interested you can read my first few columns by clicking this link:
http://www.benewsjournal.com/opinion.html

Wheat and Beet Days!

2010-08-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Toots and I decided to run the W&B 10K this year. It was a great morning for a run, with lots of clouds and a great location. We loved it! I am still not as speedy as before I had Maggie, but it is still so much fun. I am glad that Toots is my running buddy! It is so fun to have someone to do these races with. After the race, Toots went home and I met the kids and Kory to watch Emma ride her horse in the W&B days parade. My goodness she can ride 'em pretty. She really is so confident and she just loves her horse. It is fun to see her growing up into such a little lady.

DRC

2010-07-20T21:41:00.000-07:00

There are few times in your life when you gather such attention and mass amounts of old retired people as when you are in an RV park full of double axle shiny RVs worth more than our first and current home combined, and you are trying desperately to get a rock-chuck out of his comfy home next to your 'tranny' aka transmission. Such was the day last week, when after a fun afternoon exploring Yellerstone, and going to the IMAX movie about Bears, we saw a rock-chuck run up under the engine of the truck. The truck we had borrowed from my dear father in law, and the truck which we were trying SO hard to be careful with despite having bad luck. So what in the hay is a rock-chuck?? Well, I will tell you. They are yellow-belly marmots. Marmots choose to dig burrows under rocks, and next to trannies in nice shiny trucks because predators are less likely to see their burrow. Predators include wolves, foxes, coyotes, and my husband. The marmot is also an omnnivore, eating grass, leaves, flowers, fruit, grasshoppers, bird eggs, and the important firewall insulation pad that protects a truck from heat. Ahhh Yellow Belly Marmot. Damn Rock Chuck (Kory's words, not mine), or the DRC. Unwanted Hitchhiker. How easy we thought it would be to get rid of you. We tried everything, from hosing the thing down, to jabbing it with a stick, to spraying enormous amounts of 'OFF' repellent on him. Nothing. NOTHING. So, the next morning we called in the big guns. That's right, Fish and Game. At first, it was easy to see that this nice guy packin heat did not totally believe us. He crawled right under the truck, face up and starting poking around. When the DRC chirped, the guy from Fish and Game jumped two inches off the ground. He was a believer. Soon the geriatric nation was piling out of their RVs, setting up lawn chairs, and watching the free entertainment of Kory, the Man from Fish and Game (no relation to the Man from Snowy River), and the nice man from Canada. All three men worked for close to an eternity, each one taking a different angle on the DRC, and FINALLY after copious amounts of man effort...the DRC ran...he ran and ran until he found a new home...right up under a nice, shiny, double axle, 40 foot RV.

losing John Wayne.

2010-07-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

On May 10, 1969 John Wayne came to town. Not by train, or by automobile, but instead by helicopter, to a cheering crowd of 28,000 spectators. Mr. John Wayne. Mr. True Grit. Of course, this all happened before I was born, but I have heard the story many times of how he came to Promontory to watch the Golden Spike meeting of the rails reenactment on the 100 year anniversary. A special program that depicts the events that took place on the historic day of east meets west. My father in law, who was out in Promontory at the right place and time, approached Mr. Wayne and asked him for his autograph. Imagine that, standing there next to one of the greatest Western actors of all time while he scratched his name on a piece of paper for you. I can just hear his rough voice, and see his dusty cowboy hat. It must have been a sight of a lifetime. My father in law went home and put the autograph in the safest place he could think of. And all these years, he has never been able to find it again. He turned the house upside down more than once trying to find what inevitably seemed lost. One of his most valuable possessions indeed, and possibly gone forever. It is easy to relate. I think how easy it is for us to put our most treasured possessions in places that we can’t find them. Our best words. Our highest praise for our children. Our deepest love for our spouses. Our hidden talents, and biggest dreams. All locked up nice and safe. Someone once told me if you want to keep from losing something, put it where you can find it. So today, don’t hide your treasures so deep that they can’t be found. Don’t lose your John Wayne. Because if you do, all your life, you will wonder what in the world ever happened to it.

“Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.” - John Wayne

three firsts in one day.

2010-07-06T20:53:00.001-07:00

Toots, Me, and Hayden in the N Ogden Cherry Days Race

Something happens when you are about to turn 35. You start to get a little crazy. You start doing the math and realizing that indeed you are half of seventy, but not quite at mid-life. For some of us you start thinking all of your life has been spent in cautious steps and little risk, and that it is time to finally let go and have some fun! Thankfully, I went through this phase a few years ago so I can now wisely guide my little sister Tami aka Toots through this coming of age. Toots has jumped in with both feet, quite literally, into running. I love it! I have a running buddy to do races with and to cheer for. Running is a solitude sport, but there is really nothing like having someone there on race day with you. To share the jitters. To stand in the potty line. To encourage. To cross the finish line with.
On Saturday Toots did her first 5K, and did a great job! One first down, two to go.
After the race, it is tradition to go to McDonald's for breakfast. Honestly, it is usually just me pulling in to the drive through, but still, it is tradition. Toots had never been! There are very few things I like more than a #2 breakfast at McDonald's house. Toots ate her Mcbreakfast and liked it! Two firsts down, one to go!
We made it to North Fork and had a great BBQ with the fam and then everyone sans me and the baby decided to go on a hike. My hubs jokingly offered Toots some Mnt Dew and she actually drank some! I can think of nothing else that has ever taken my husband so off guard in the thirteen years we have been married. Way to go Toots for letting loose! Three firsts in one day. Each one as significant as the other. Perhaps trivial. But maybe not. It was one of the finest days ever.

chasing light.

2010-06-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how they do it in Alaska. Going without light for so much of the day, for so much of the year. This winter has gone on forever here, and each day all of us look at the forecast to see if there will be light through the clouds. Most of the Spring has been gray. Undeniably gray.

Light makes the photo. It is what turns the colors on and makes a face glow with radiance. Light reflected just right can eliminate shadows, and brighten the eyes. The best light, as any photographer knows, is the first light in the morning and the last light of the evening. I once read up on tips from a famous photographer, who will only shoot portraits the last half hour before the sun goes down. When I put this advice into practice I see some of the most amazing pictures develop. Darkness chasing light. Those last minutes of light hanging on before the night is filled with stars. Soon the sky is filled with smoky gray, and the light is chased out of the night. However, each morning, light wins again and re-appears along the east chasing darkness out of the early signs of day.

*Thank you to my friend Andrea for allowing me to take these bridals of her.

some would say.

2010-06-09T06:42:00.000-07:00

For all my life I have watched my Dad dress in ARMY green, to serve his country, to serve this people of the United States of America. He did so with honor, loyalty, dedication, and love. For 38 years, 6 months and 4 days he served this country in the form of a Chaplain. Someone who has to catch the families of the fallen. A mind that must know the right thing to say when all else seems to not make sense. A heart that must love the broken. The Chaplain is the person that comforts, that gives hope, and guides. He is an American Soldier. Some would say that loyalty to a job is a thing of the past; that dedication to an employer is rare to be found. But I would say, look to the American Soldier. Some would say that true love is hard to find. But I would say, ask the America Soldier how they feel when they see the American Flag flying on home soil. Some would say that fashion makes the man. I would say, watch the American Soldier dressed in uniform, and the man he becomes. To all the men and women serving our nation, and especially to my Father, Chaplain Colonel Lynn Humphreys, I would say...thank you.

a blessing & sisters. in pictures.

2010-06-06T19:33:00.000-07:00

time does not wait for happy.

2010-06-05T06:04:00.000-07:00

You can't wait for happy to show up. Happy is. You can't steal someone else's happy, or borrow a half a cup of happy to get you by. Happy comes from being. You either are or you aren't. Ask a happy person to pinpoint the best day of their life, and be prepared for a list of days. The reason is simple. They know how to approach a day, and find good things even on the rainiest days. Today, for no reason, I just am happy. In our house, happiness is passing gas if you are the baby. Or getting to hug your crush during a play because the scene calls for it. Happiness is shooting the last basket of your fourth grade year on the court at the elementary...and having it go in. It is taking a spring hike with your friends and getting outdoors. Happiness is taking your fear and jumping. Happiness is fat. It grows if you feed it. It is co-dependent and social. Happiness is quiet and calm, loud and crazy. Happy can be bought in the form of fantastic mascara, or amazing shoes. It can be found on vacations, and morning runs, kitchens, and back porches. It is in the eyes and felt in the toes. Happy is now. :)

last day.

2010-06-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day of school for the two older kids. Emma pleaded with me to allow her to wear her scrubby pants (you know, pants with holes in them) to school. I caved. I figured, hey, it is the last day! Today, kids should be able to break a few rules. Wear pants with holes in them. Talk without being called on! Go to the bathroom without a hall pass!!! Go crazy and get a drink without asking!!! Grades are in. School is out. Let summer begin.

ive got an angel.

2010-05-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

A year ago I stopped by to see my sweet Gram...who was falling fast from this life... and I chose to work, laptop open, instead of hold her hand and sit by her side. I think at the time I thought that there would be another chance. There is always another chance. So I worked. There is a part of me that does not like change, and on this day, one year ago...I saw my Gram change. No longer was there any bit of a smile. No longer was there any animation. There was just the last bits of life hanging on with a sense of the end. Still, I worked on. I stayed with her until she went to bed. Saw the sweet nurses tuck her in, and tell her that they loved her. I saw them kiss her forehead and tell her to sleep. It was so easy for them. So so easy. When they left I had my opportunity to reach down and hold my Gram's warm hand and tell her how much I loved her, right before she fell asleep. But I couldn't do it. I shut down my laptop, and said "Goodnight Gram..." and took my things and drove back home.

All night I thought about her, and made the resolution to stop by first thing in the morning and make it right. I drove straight to the care facility, and quickly got out and made my way upstairs to her room. It was breakfast time, so if she wasn't in her room, she would be eating with the group. I passed a nice nurse getting off the elevator, she smiled at me. It was a perfect day, the sun was just starting to come out and the morning was calm. I found Gram's room and put my fingers around the knob to open the door. But it was locked. I do have an angel. She was there with me at that moment. The moment I knew that I was too late. The nurse who answered the door to my Gram's room said that I had just missed her slipping off to heaven....and that I would need to wait out in the hallway...for my family to arrive. I wonder if I have ever cried so hard, as I sunk to the floor, hugged my knees, and felt sorrow so deep that it bruised my heart. For several minutes it was just me, and the hallway, and a box of kleenex. I missed her so bad. I still do. I miss her on nice days like today, when the sun is just coming up. She always liked a nice spring day.

So today I say to my Gram, "I am so sorry I did not stay. I know that you never liked to be alone. So sorry. I love you...and miss you. I still honk at your house when I drive by, I still can't pour a bowl of Lucky Charms without thinking of you...I still am grateful so often for the memories of sleepovers and getting tucked in to the hide-a-bed with the red afghan.

And Gram..my Maggie Olivia carries on your name - and I could feel you smiling when I talked Kory into Olivia (for your first name of Olive). That was a good day."

Somewhere in heaven there is a spring day. There are new tomato plants, and tiny buds on peach trees, there are bright tulips and brilliant green grass.There are sunsets that would take your breath away, and sunrises to live for. And somewhere there is a choir of angels singing. With one angel...singing very loudly, and very off key...and that angel is my Gram. :)

still.

2010-05-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

God knew I needed her the day I was born. Wrapped up in her arms. He knew I needed her on my first day of school, wearing my red corduroy jump suit, setting off to independence. He knew I needed her on all those days of doctor appointments, surgeries, and solutions. He knew I needed her when I when I got asked to prom and needed a shopping companion to pick out my dress. God knew I needed her when I moved away to college and missed my everything... everyday. He knew I needed her enthusiasm when I would call home and tell her all about how much I was loving college, just like she did. God knew I needed her when Hayden was born and I found motherhood, and then again with Emma. He knew I needed her to be excited for me when I said we wanted another one, and he knew I needed her when Maggie finally arrived. God knew that I needed my mom. From the very beginning. Just like she needed her mother, and before her my Grandma needed her's. And so it goes, and so it is. Still. As time began, daughter's need their mothers...and mother's need their daughters. Still.

inside my head.

2010-05-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

There are words I want to share. Advice I want to give. Memories I keep replaying. It is a very social place to be. Inside my head... I have conversations with myself, peptalks and to-do lists.

something old. something new. something borrowed. something blue.

2010-04-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

This is my old dress...on my new little Maggie...whom I borrowed from God...who gave her eyes as wonderous as the deep blue ocean...

hair and there.

2010-04-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

The kids had a crazy hair day today at school. Anything goes!! Color your hair purple! Where ten pony tails!! I have got to be totally honest here. I thought Emma looked super cute with her crazy rat nest pony, and I liked how Hayden's face really popped with his spiky hair. After school the review was in...all the kids thought Emma looked "pretty" and Hayden looked "cool". Ironic? Possibly.

Everyone loves a double chin.

2010-04-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

Maggs is six weeks old! I found this dress that was Emma's when she was a baby, so we had to try it on Maggie to see how it looked. For the record, Maggie looks very different from Emma at this same age. Emma was bald and had a little bit fatter face. Thankfully, she has lost both of those characteristics.

That one song.

2010-04-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

There is always the one song that mom's sing to their babies. This is mine. "You are My Sunshine" has always been one of my most favorite songs ever. I sang it to Emma when she was small, and have sung it to Maggie ever since she was just a day old. I don't know if it is obvious, but Mags loves it when I sing this to her. :)

one month!

2010-04-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

broken bone, broken dream

2010-04-13T13:20:00.000-07:00

The day started with a first smile from the baby. The kind you wait nine months for. The kind that reminds you that everything in the world is good.

At noon the phone rang and the school said that Emma had been hurt. When I got to the school I could tell just by the way that she was sitting that she was in real pain. We went home, and the tears just could not be stopped...she was really hurt. I called her Doctor, who told me to take her in for an X ray. I knew we were in trouble when I touched her arm and she yelled in pain. Not a good sign from my tough little girl. As soon as the X ray came out the Dr said, "Well we have a break in the collar bone." Then Emma REALLY started to cry. I finally got her home and set up in the recliner so that she could rest. It is hard to keep this girl down, so I knew she was really hurting.

At four Kory went to get his booth for the Republican Convention.

At five the delegates started showing up.

At six we were pulling out all the stops, making sure everyone knew who he was.

At six thirty we had one of many delegates stop and tell us that they had heard great things about Kory, and that he came highly recommended for the position of Assessor.

At seven Kory gave a magnificent speech to the auditorium filled with delegates.

Ten minutes later we both had tummy nerves.

I have never been so proud of him.

At eight Emma had some medicine for her pain. And feel asleep

At ten Kory came through the door, and I knew just by the way he quietly shut the door and set down his keys that he had not made it through to the Primary election.

At midnight, I finally fell asleep and wished I could erase the whole day.

Until... I remembered how my morning had started...

the sound of my heart.

2010-04-04T20:28:00.001-07:00

273 days she heard the beat of my heart. 273 days I waited for her. 273 days I loved her. With my whole heart. This heart...she knows. This heart...she recognizes. The sound of my heart....273 days ...is just the beginning...

the first two weeks...

2010-03-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

It is strange how fast and how slow time can go. I am really trying to just love each and every minute of this new baby and enjoy her as much as I can. Still, I find that I have moments of anxiety where I start to think about things that are beyond my control and too far in the future. I don't remember ever feeling this way with the other two kids, so maybe it is just about being older. However, I AM more relaxed about so many other things with Maggie. I know that one day she won't want to cuddle all day, and that she won't need me for every little thing, and I know that one day she will head off to school and get to learn all the hard lessons of life. So for now, I just focus on her little face, her little toes, her tiny hands, and her perfect eyes. Sleep will come again (I hope!), but 'tiny her' will keep on growing.

13 year spin...

2010-03-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

Today Kory and I have been married 13 years! I am so happy today and filled to the top with peace and gratitude.

sweet baby Maggie...

2010-03-19T12:45:00.001-07:00

Today Maggie is one week old! I love her so much already. She was 7 lbs 12 oz at birth and came into the world crying with both lungs. I loved going drug free and really feeling everything, including all the emotions that accompany a miracle like birth. Each day I think that I want her to stay tiny and dependable. I can't wait to love her for the rest of her life...

the waiting game...

2010-03-01T20:59:00.001-08:00

So we are down to less than 11 days! It is so fun to think that soon our family will grow by one. Emma came up with this shot, and I have to say I really like it. Happy March everyone!!

the politicians wife?

2010-02-22T08:24:00.001-08:00

There were SO many people there!

Deb (Kory's sister) and Jerry (Kory's dad)

On Saturday night we made it official...Kory is running for Box Elder Assessor. I could not be prouder of him. He did such a great job talking to people and not trying to be someone he is not. He brought along Deb and his dad Jerry to help him work the crowd. It was really fun meeting new people and telling them about Kory and why he is the best. We are excited about starting the full campaign process!

Baby Maggie's Nursery!

2010-02-07T12:03:00.000-08:00

So this is it! I wanted a very spring theme, and so we have birdies, a tree, and lots of pink! I still need to get a wall paper border put up, but I can't find one I like. I am also still saving for my dream glider cushy chair that will go in the nursery. The pic of the three birds is me (yellow cause it is my fav color), Emma (hot pink), baby Maggie (baby pink).

It was so much fun to do, but I am glad it is done now!

showered!

2010-02-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

I had SO much fun at the MarketStar baby shower hosted by Val, and my neighborhood shower hosted by Tyra, Julie, Shauntae, and Jenny! I feel so loved and so prepared now for our little girl to come home with us. The women absolutely spoiled me! XOXO to all of you!!

the real housewives of Box Elder County

2010-01-17T20:50:00.000-08:00

So, if I were on the real housewives of Box Elder County (not yet rated) I would wear these boots every day. I love them that much. They are old gringo lucky boots, and I am putting it out there to the universe that I need these babies! They would help me look good during the fair. They would turn heads at the grocery store. They would make small children like me and old men hug me. They would make people believe that I was born and raised country. They would sound real nice walking across a wood floor, and look fabulous in my closet of shoes. Yes, indeed.

I need these boots.

another ten down.

2010-01-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

2010 baby. Here are my favorite moments of the last decade, in no particular order.
1- Moving into our new home. Building it however was not one of my favorite moments.
2- Having baby Emma. Cutest chin ever.
3- Walking into Wrigley Park on opening weekend for the Cubs. Wow, complete nostalgia. I loved that feeling. Loooved it.
4- Finishing the BOM in 30 days.
5- Having the world not end for Y2K.
6- Listening to Kory laugh at Disneyland on Space Mountain. He had never been to Disneyland and it was priceless to hear him having so much fun.
7-Being the photographer at Sundance two years in a row for MStar.
8-Finishing the half marathon, and all the training. Today I walked upstairs and got winded, again, not a favorite moment.
9-The USU football game with my Dad, Mom, Hayden and Emma when they won using the true freshman QB.
10-When my brother Jut got married to Abs &When my brother Todd got married to Fati...even though we were not able to go to Spain, I was still so glad to have a new sister in law.
11- Going to SLC to Olympic Park with Kory in 2002 and realizing that the world was at our doorstep.
12-Being Hayden's soccer coach when he was 5 and 6.
13- Feeling this new baby move each day.
14-Singing with all my cousins at Gram's funeral. We sounded dang good! I only wish we would have recorded it. I also loved singing at Gramp's funeral.
15-Climbing to the mine with Ladd, Erica, Kory and the dog named Max. That was a great hike and made me appreciate my desk job.
16- Laying sod in our backyard with a few dedicated family members and neighbors. Seeing my kids roll on the grass that day was hilarious. They were sooo happy!
17-Having Hayden get baptized. Such a handsome dude.
18-Making new friends, real friends! That are meaningful and make my life complete.
19-Going to Denver with Kory for our anni last year, we had a great time getting dressed up and spending time together.
20-Going to Good Things Utah with Toots a few years ago. That was so much fun!
21- Selling the Camry with 225,000 miles to someone who we knew would love it just like us!
22- Taking the train in Durango when the kids were just little. That was the best train ride ever.
23- Going to lunch with my Dad when he was at BE as a seminary teacher. The football games at the high school with him were also so much fun.
24-Last summer, our trip to the Uintas and riding four wheelers and chillin with the fam dam in the huge cabin.
25-Beating my boss at bowling.

hello third trimester, nice to finally be here

2009-12-15T19:59:00.001-08:00

So, I started this project at a slim 118 lbs. As of tonight, I am a pregnantly 147 lbs. and, I still have 12 weeks to go. (I will now talk Kate Gosselin style...asking myself questions and then answering them) Am I worried? No. Do I wish that I only gained 20 lbs? Absolutely. I would never deny that. Do I think I will hit a weight gain of 60 lbs again? I would like to say yes, but honestly, I am just trying to do what is best for my child. Do I do everything perfectly? So no. But, I do have to go to sleep at night knowing that I have done my best.

Here is a pic of her little mug from the ultra sound tonight. Very distorted but so fun to have a 3D photo. It actually looks like a big brain, but if you look close, you can see a very cute face. Do I think she looks like Kory? Absolutely, but without the mustache.

im still hanging on.

2009-12-09T05:19:00.000-08:00

To the first dance I had with Kory. Nobody had ever given me weak knees like that.
To the feeling I got when I learned I had earned a large scholarship from Hastings to get me through my last leg of college. Thank you HASTINGS!
To the time Bishop Cherrington pulled me out of Relief Society in my singles ward in Logan just to tell me that he loved me.
To the panic I felt when I saw a little girl, not even two, out in the middle of the road with no parents in sight. I drove past. Then stopped, and turned around. I picked up this little girl and walked from house to house for what felt like forever, trying to find her mom. I won't ever forget when we finally found her and her tears of gratitude. This little girl was far from home. I still don't know how we found her mom.
To the look Trev gave me from the stand in church when I got up from sitting next to all my friends and instead sat by Diane Feldshaw, a girl with no friends.
To the hug Kory gave me in my parents laundry room after I had had a terrible day. He borrowed a car, and drove all the way from Logan to Ogden just to make me feel better.
To the feeling I got when I saw my Gramp and Dad both dressed in ARMY green. Gramp in his WWII uniform, and my dad in his formal ARMY uniform preparatory to become promoted to a colonel.
To the fear I felt when I lost my brakes going over Sardine Canyon.
The gratitude I felt when I realized that baby Hayden was ok after living in a house full of carbon monoxide when he was just an infant.
My father in law telling me that I make 'very good rolls'.
To the good looking guy in the Smiths in Logan ,when I was on an errand for Hastings, who walked right up to me and said, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." That was a good day.
To the neighbor in my home ward who told me that I had potential as an artist, then took the time to teach me. Thank you Mrs. Chris Millard!
To my first Krispe Kreme.
To the great hug that Abs gave me when we first got to Chicago to visit them years ago.
To the day I realized that I had finally found the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe.
To the moment I knew that My Gram would never be the same, and it took my heart away, and I drowned in tears. That was a sad day, I miss that Gram.
To the immense desire to want to be a mom.
To the way I felt when I first held Hayden and I knew he was special, and perfect, and mine.
To the nice words my friend Alec said to me the other day at work. That I was pretty before, but that I was even more beautiful pregnant.
To the day in 5th grade when someone left me a huge anonymous valentine.
To the feeling I got when I finally caught a wave in San Diego.
To the moment I knew that the BOM was true. The very moment. The moment I can't ever deny.
To all of the amazing trips that Mom and I have been on together. San Diego, Chicago, New York, San Francisco. It is energizing to travel with her, and just spend time with her doing adventures.
To my sisters happy teary face when Bobbi Jo and I went to visit her at the Lodge in Jackson Lake.
To how I felt in my prom dress.
To the intense happiness I had in my whole body when I hit mile 11 on the half marathon and I knew I was going to make it.
To the feeling I had when I finally got the leather mini skirt in high school that I had been saving for. I loved that bit of cow hide.
To the day I got brave enough to jump off of the dock at First Dam in Logan in the middle of the night with all of my friends.
To the moment I knew someone loved me and wanted to be with me forever.
To the ABBA concert this summer with my dad, brother, and sisters. I love that we have music in our bones and that we all get our oddness!
To the man who came up to me after I gave a talk in Sacrament Meeting and told me that I had changed his life by my words.
To the first time I rode the white roller coaster at Lagoon.
To the nice, sincere, amazing words that Kory's uncle said to me when he gave me my new ring.
To each night when Emma yells from the top of the stairs "Your the best mom in the whole PLANET!" and then Hayden echos, "Your the best mom in the whole UNIVERSE!" Not much can top that.

what women want.

2009-12-04T07:14:00.000-08:00

Women want to be cherished, we want to laugh, we want a man who smells good. We want to be needed, to feel special, and to have an occasional break from the duties of the household. We want shoes to be put away, good toilet paper, the garbage always taken out, and nicely clipped fingernails. We want kisses on the back of the neck, three seconds hugs, and back rubs with no expectations. We want a man that can cook, and is not afraid of the kitchen or the grill. We want kids to wake up happy and grateful, we want a closet full of outfits that we love. We want to be able to change our mind and have people not question us. We want friends that love us, and don't judge. We want meaningful conversation. Amazing connections. Happy endings. And the perfect family picture for the Christmas card. :)

thinking about giving up.

2009-11-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

Sarcasm. So the deal is, I love sarcasm. I grew up with it. I go to work with it. I use it in my daily conversations. But, sarcasm, I am giving you up. At least for a few days. If things go well, I may try for a week. For now, I am just going to focus on today. I have a feeling it is going to be harder than I think.

things I like that most do not, and things I don't that most do

2009-11-15T17:18:00.001-08:00

I like strangers touching my belly.
I don't like ice cream sandwiches.
I like/loveeee leg warmers.
I don't like movies set in the 1800's where the women wear big dresses - however I would like one of those big dresses.
I like asking people questions nobody else dares.
I don't like the super duper Twilight craze - however, I was one of the first to read the book, and I DO love the book. Just not the craze.
I like waking up to the windows open and light spilling in. Good morning sun. Good morning day.
I don't like big surprises. Unless they involve a lot of money.
I like sneaking a few Christmas songs before Halloween.
I don't like the obligation of tons of neighbor gifts.
I like pickles at the movie - however, this is just in fantasy. Who really gets a pickle at the movie?

out with the red, in with the blue.

2009-10-30T16:07:00.000-07:00

When I decided to transform my dining room into a sitting room/office area my friend Kim suggested cool blue and chocolate brown. Which is exactly what I did. The real name for this paint color is 'fog'. It is hard to tell the true color in this picture, but it truly does look like the color of fog. Once I get the curtains up and a desk in I will send more pics. For now I am pretty happy with it!

surfing the pain.

2009-10-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

When I went into labor with Emma I had no idea I would be doing it all without pain meds. It was not supposed to be that way. Luckily for me, I had the best nurse ever, and she taught me how to surf the pain. Each wave was filled with intensity so strong and deep that I could only think about being smothered by it. I thought I would never make it. My life felt as if it were ending, and although I knew realistically I was going to be ok...I had enourmouse doubts about myself during those 45 minutes. Over and over my angel nurse cheered me on, "surf the pain, surf the pain..." . Minutes felt like hours. Each contracting gave and took away my strength.

That day, I saw my soul. The soul you only see when you have pushed yourself far beyond what you think is possible. The soul that nobody else knows. The one that gets you through your hardest moments. I saw that soul. Just for a second. Then the pain was gone. The waves melted away. And a baby cried.

So, tonight, I am thinking about surfing. In the end the biggest waves are the ones that bring the most victory. And I wonder. Will I be strong enough.

seeing pink.

2009-10-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

When Kory and I went to the ultrasound on Friday I don't think I have ever been so nervous. I have been a taddd bit high strung the last few weeks. Hum, ya. Partly because I just wanted to know that some of my big concerns about the baby could be put to rest. Partly because life is so busy right now.

I have had more than one dream that this little one was a girl, so I would have been VERY thrown off it it had been a boy. When we finally got to the part when the ultrasound tech tells us what we are having...I got VERY scared. EEPS! All this time telling everyone we ARE having a girl, what if I was wrong??? She typed up on the ultrasound pic, "I'm a Girl!", and then, I knew. 3 for 3. 3 dreams for three kids. All right. I was so excited, and emotional. I don't remember ever dropping tears like that for the other two.
When I got home and told Emma and Hayden, well Emma did cartwheels (really!), and Hayden hung his head and walked away. So, later I explained to him my dream and that I had one for him too. He will come around. His biggest concern is that she will be just like Emma. :) "Double the trouble Mom!"
So today we are seeing pink, and so happy to have this new little Hannah Margaret* join our family the first part of March. How lucky am I?

*Kory picked this name the day I told him we were having another baby. We both really like the nickname Maggie, and come up with it the same weekend - and at different times - so it really has been hard to shake, and keeps coming back to both of us. We will see if the name changes, but for now this is it!

big foot is real and other things I believe.

2009-10-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

So what if I believe??

Big Foot is real. Joe Sako and I spent over 12 minutes researching this. There have been several sightings in northern Utah. One even at Barker fish farm. That is enough for me. Also, they have a strong odor. What hairy beast that has lived thousands of years wouldn't???

Pennies are lucky. Emma and I collect each one we find, Lincoln up or down, and throw it on our path of good luck. Which by the way is veerrrry lucky. One day that path will be lined with lucky pennies that nobody wanted but us.

There are two kinds of head colds in this world: A man cold and a woman cold. That is all I want to say about that. I just hope I never get the man head cold.
Sting never washes his hair. I actually know this. I read it on E!
If you get two stars on the Tootsie Pop it means NOTHING! Don't try and turn it in at
King's for a free anything. It won't happen. I have tried this. Twice.
Love at first sight is very real when you are talking about anything made with chocolate.
If you lift your feet, touch a screw, close your eyes and drive over rail road tracks while making a wish of your heart, it won't come true. Also, wishing on stars is marginal. Once when I was seven, and living in a home without sugar, I asked repeatedly for a bag of Jet-Puff marshmallows while wishing on the north star. It never happened. However, I have some in my pantry right now. Bag opened, getting nice and stale. YUM!
Numbers are lucky. I have a lucky number. It is not seven.

my kind of week.

2009-10-02T10:19:00.000-07:00

The pics explain it all. :)

one of those days.

2009-09-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

Monday was one of those days. When I realized, quite stark and simply, that time was running out. My son, well, he turned the magical age of 10. Double digits. I realized that the future held less time with him than more...within the walls of living in our home. It made me sad deep down in that place where you hide all your emotions that you never really share with anyone. The place where you fear something happening to one of your kids. The place where you sacrifice everything to be a better mom, or dad. That place that you go when you try and think of how you can teach your kids the best ways to defend themselves in this ever changing world. That was the place my mind wandered too, and I just got sad.

The most pure form of love is from a parent to a child. In this case, a mother to her child. There was cake, there was presents, there was food. There was also a pit in my stomach. Just 9 more birthdays and he will be on his way. Maybe by then I will be ready. I won't fear. I will be proud of everything I have taught him. Maybe by then, he will be ready too.

206 miles of endurance.

2009-09-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

For a minute on Saturday morning I wanted to be a part. A part of all of these cyclists who put fear aside, pain on the backburner, and total logic at the bottom of their mind, and just ride. Abbie and I saw Justin my brother off at 6:30ish in the morning, he was in the CAT 1,2,3 group, which means he is fast and serious. Abbie and I followed him to Montpelier, where we both had serious nerves waiting for him to come through and grab the lunch bag Abbie had prepared for him. It was SO COOL!! He was off before we knew it, so we jumped in the car and went to the next feed stop, and then the next, and then the next. Each time I thought we would be waiting for hours for him to reach us, and each time it was so fast it was hard to imagine he was getting there on a bike. A few times we got to pass him in the car, and we would yell and cheer for him. When we finally made it to the last part of the race, we were worried Jut would beat us to the finish line, we pushed hard and passed him in the car with just a few miles to go. Mom, Dad, Abs and I ran/walked to the finish line just in time to hear "Juuuustin HUmphREYSsss everyone!!!" He was all alone in front and came in under 10 hours!! We were all so proud of him. Dad treated the whole crew to Bubba's afterward, THANKS DAD! It was an amazing day, and I have to say, I really got caught up in the excitement. All of those fit people. Riding 206 miles. With two legs, will, determination, and of course an amazing support crew.

done with the red.

2009-09-02T07:15:00.000-07:00

On Sat I decided enough. Enough with a dining room that we never use. Enough with the red. Enough with the wasted space. So I took the leaf out of the dining room table, squished it together and moved it into the kitchen. Now I have a big empty room with red paint on the walls. Don't get me wrong. I have a secret love affair with red. Red high heels, red lips, red shirt that I love, cinnamon bears.... I love red. But, I have looked at this red room long enough, and now I am ready to paint it. Ideas anyone?? I want the space to have a desk in it, comfy chairs or a small couch, and a cool rug. I need a calming color, and will likely pair it with some shiny things (think Candice Olsen). In other news, I can't WAIT for fall!!! Bring on the football!! Bring on the pumpkins!! Bring on the sweaters!!!! :)

winners.

2009-09-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

The chic over my right shoulder is the one I passed, ahhh so fun!

my little ocean.

2009-08-31T19:45:00.001-07:00

Today I saw two little hands. Two little feet. I feel soooo emotional lately. Like shut off the water works already. Cried watching the following this weekend: Wild Hearts Can't be Broken, Hannah Montana the movie (i know right?), and Army Wives. I got a little misty eyed when Dad showed up to the County Fair fun run, and then when we all got a ribbon I was thinking that was pretty awesomeated. Additionally, I teared up listening to our favorite band Saturday night at the fair, Rough Stock. Sunday I got an email that made my cry, it was so sweet and I really needed it. So, I am thinking chips and salsa are in order to replenish my loss of salt water. Chili's anyone??

36 and Pregnant.

2009-08-30T11:23:00.000-07:00

Several years ago Kory was asked to write up what his obituary would look like. A few of the things I remember from that slip of paper are that he was at home in the outdoors, and that he loved his wife and his three children.

It has stayed with me ever since.

Now I am 36 and pregnant. With number three. I feel a mix bag of emotions but fear is not one of them. I am eliminating scared from my emotional vocabulary. This time I will enjoy the changing of my body more than ever, and I will remember that this movement inside of me is a creation that is as close to a miracle as I have experienced.

lookilulu

2009-08-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

I am so happy to be part of this fantastic project of women helping young girls find careers! So much fun! I was the 'spotlight' for the kick off of the website. Check it out!

www.lookilulu.com

A random pic

2009-08-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

This is pretty much my kids favorite pose for pics. I have been a blog slacker lately. I am not sure why, but probably because I have no interesting random thoughts to share.

The 15 cent bum.

2009-07-31T05:48:00.000-07:00

The other day I took the kids to SLC with me to do a photo shoot, and after we had lunch we went to the Gateway to run through the fountains. On the way there Emma saw her first bum up close. No, not the naked kind, although there were plenty of cracks showing at the fountain. The kind that sit on the corner of JCrew looking very sad holding up their cardboard signs. Emma, who often surprises me, kept talking about said bum for the next hour. Finally she told me that she wanted to give the bum some of her money that she brought with her. I said Emma are you going to give him a dollar? "No." Fifty cents? "No Mom." A quarter? "Nope, I am going to give him a dime and a nickel!". It was so sweet and sincere. Hayden was laughing, but I thought it was so cute. When she dropped the money into the bucket, her's was the only in there. She was pretty pleased with herself, and talked all the way home about what he would spend that 15 cents on. She determined that he would buy cat foot to feed his cat who also sat on that lonely corner by the cardboard sign. So eat up cat, here is one meal on Emma!

the perfect day.

2009-07-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the perfect day is not perfect at all. It is getting lost with my girl Abs in San Diego cause we are having too much fun talking. It is playing with the puppy and laughing and rolling on the grass and then realizing later that you smell like doggy. It is coloring outside the lines. It is making breakfast for dinner. It is watching your daughter make you scrambled eggs, and then taking a bite of shell. It is laughing at yourself when you trip. It is finding your way with no plan. It is saying I love you to someone that knows you do, but never hears you say it. It is picking out a puppy for my husband and having no idea if I got the right one.

Sometimes the most perfect day is the day filled with the most imperfect moments. I like it that way. I really do.

dicks.

2009-07-08T20:13:00.001-07:00

It was the summer of 2004. We had just finished a day trip to the Uinta's and we were all dirty, hot, and tired. As we rolled through the town of Kamas we saw, like an angel planted in our path, Dicks. I will never forget the shake, the onion rings. The love. There was a lot of love that day at Dicks. Well, except for Fati, I am not sure she had any greasy American food. And, if we are being totally honest, I think that our eating scared her. Possibly Todd's the most. It was just soooo....caveman like. I don't think they eat that way in Spain. Anyway...my mom, dad, brothers, my kids, all of us...ate like we had never eaten before. It was easily one of my best meals ever, and I have often said, if I had one last meal it would be from Dicks.

Well, like many good things, we have talked about Dicks forever. Each time we are together and we are eating healthy organical food I think, "Remember that one time when we pigged out at Dick's?" Then we all laugh. A lot of love. A lot of love.

So, Monday, when I decided to go with my mom and dad to the Uinta's, we traveled home the long way, to protect the Super Duty Ford truck from the chippers in Evanston (pronounced Ev-ing-ston). I was sleeping in the back, with the kids. My mom was chatting to keep my dad focused on the road. And then, ba boom! There was DICKS!! My gosh!!! My dad, making a split decision says. "AMY! That was DICKS!! Do you want to stop???!" Hellyes I wanna stop. So we did. Mom got onion rings. I got a shake. Dad got a foot long. It was a perfect ending to a perfect day. There was a lot of love that night at Dicks. A lot of love.

the suprise.

2009-06-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

The bishop kissing Nola!

Best Friends for 40 years, Alvera and Nola.

All my helping hands.

Nola, glowing.

Shauntae and Nola.

I think that possibly one of the most exciting things you can do for someone is the unexpected. The big unexpected is even MORE fun. Late in the day on Monday I found out that my cute friend Nola had been neglected on her 90th birthday. Nobody had made her a cake, and there were no candles for her to blow out. 90 years!!! Of course when I heard this I told my friend Alvera, her BFF, to have her at my house at 6pm and I WOULD have a house of PeOPLE, CAKE, and a PARTY!!! Luckily the house was clean, so all I needed to do was run and go get a cake and some balloons. I called three people, and they called ...and then they called...and then they called. I had people volunteering to bring things, and the urgency of the party and making Nola feel special made all of us work together so well. I told the lady at the cake counter at Kent's the story of Nola and how she had been forgotten, and when I went to get the cake a few minutes later (she put her name on the cake), the price was slashed in half. The unexpected. The tiny unexpected. I felt a rush of just pure happiness and true love for this cute lady. At 6pm the cars started to fill our driveway and by 5 after 6 we had a room packed with people. Alvera arrived with Nola just minutes later. Her expression was priceless as we all said "SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" I pulled a warm chocolate cake out of the oven (the only way she likes it), and gave her a big piece. Everyone brought cards and made her feel so loved. THANK you to ALL my friends who helped me in this small cause. I am so lucky to have each of you!

channeling my inner Paula!!!

2009-06-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

Randy aka Wendy Wilson, Paula aka me, Simon aka Mark Jones

Ohhhh it is SO much fun to be a complete airhead! I loved playing the role of Paula again at MarketStar ROCKBAND 2009!!!

A few of the things I said:

" When you open your mouth to sing, there is something very very soothing about your voice, and its like a breath of fresh air, and its like, ahhh, I love that voice, and its different from any other voice in the competition, so keep on going."

"All you can do is the best you can do."

"That's what I call ARTISTRY!!"

"Shut up Simon!" *note, Simon never said anything to me

ALL of the performers were FANTASTIC!!!!

the ego

2009-06-24T22:12:00.001-07:00

What happens when you let go of your ego and just let the other senses take over? Do you become more vulnerable? Hummm. This is what I think about at 11pm at night. I think having a bit of an ego is essential right? But also being able to open up and admit you are wrong is pretty important too. Too much pride will kill you. Too little will make you go un noticed. Or will it. Hummm.

cha cha cha cherry hill

2009-06-14T13:39:00.000-07:00

Despite the weather being rainy most of the weekend, we did indeed have an amazing time. The food JD, Kory, Jerry, and crew fixed was AMAZING. We had BBQ chicken, cheesy dutch oven tatoes, beans, rolls, salad, and 2nds all around. The kids had a good time swimming on Friday night, and we were all glad that the sun came out on Sunday. Yeah! We also got to see a lot of family, it was so fun to hold my nieces baby Charlie, he is so cute! I am glad that this tradition is still standing, as it is a great time to visit with Kory's side of the family.

I must confess.

2009-06-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

I kick my husband when he snores. I love blue collar workers, especially elevator repair men. I can't get ready in the morning without music. Carving pumpkins makes me a little queasy. I used to go to the truck pulls with my Dad in Morgan just hoping I would meet someone 'nice'. I shave my legs religiously each morning, and sometimes again at night. The older I get the more risks I take. I get upset each and every time I open an Almond Joy when realize there really are just two almonds. I have always wanted to wear glasses. I feel very inadequate mingling in group settings, however I am very at ease speaking in front of a large group. I can eat a whole pound of Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory chocolate in 3 days. I loooove hand dipped corn dogs from the fair. Love them. I check out hands. I hope Boozer gets traded. I rarely sit still and relax without falling asleep. I don't like when people wipe their nose and then look in their Kleenex. I have cried at work. When people ask me if I remember them, I always say yes (even when I don't!), then...just as my father taught me I say " I remember your last name...but tell me your first name again.." after which they repeat their entire name, works every time.

i don't understand

2009-06-08T21:56:00.000-07:00

kate gosselin's hair
where my motivation for running went
how people keep up on their laundry
why people are still wearing banana clips. two sightings in two days!
why your face gets wrinkles but not your hiney
where chemistry comes from, you know the butterfly kind deep in your tummy
pigs in a blanket, how you make them, or the desire to eat them
why all the bachelor's and bachelorettes take helicopter rides. Soooo not reality!
why I must have a bowl of cold cereal, name brand and sugar kind, before bed
gravity
how the stars look so close but are so far away

the BBQ

2009-06-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

Nothin like a good BBQ to kick off summer! Hayden, Joe D, Joe S.

Mike chillin before dinner.

The ladies...Wendy, Robyn, Gina, Amy, Julie, and Wendy.

Steve and Julie

Emma takes PK on a horse back ride. Well, Emma IS almost 7!

Like two little kids at the fair! We could not stop laughing! Watching them mount the horse and dismount brought me to tears!

My little sunshine.

Notice Robyn in this pic. I love it!!

Joe, Robyn, and Wendy

Joe and Torey.

Hayden working on his mean spiral.

Parker!

Cutest ever PK and the horses.

Kory grilling elk, salmon, chicken, and pheasant.

Gorgeous Gina!

We had a few people from work come for a BBQ and we had a great time! Everyone brought a side dish - Gina brought her famous baked beans, they are AMAZING!! Wendy D brought freshly baked rolls...mmmmm so good, J Pipp made the best cobbler we have ever had...apple and raspberry and he timed it just right, Julie brought a fruit tray filled with EVERY kind of my favorite fruit and a super light whipped dip, and Robyn made a green salad with strawberries that was perfect for summer!

I feel so fortunate to be able to work with so many fine people. I call each one of them friend, and rightly so. Thanks for coming everyone!!

i felt the EARTH move UNDER my feet!

2009-06-03T20:26:00.001-07:00

Emma dancing her hawaiian dance.

Last day of school!!

New glasses...

Luckily no sky came tumbling down. It was SO fun to be part of an earthquake!! WHOO HOO!! Anyway, my first thought was not...RUN TO A DOOR WAY!! It was WHAT IN THE H ARE THE KIDS DOING DOWNSTAIRS!!! Hummm. I need to work on that.

So, I went the the doctor on Monday and it turns out I am far sighted, which means I have a hard time focusing up close. I was wondering why my head and eyes felt so strained after a day of working at the computer. I picked out some cute librarian glasses, and Emma made sure to tell me that I look better without glasses. However, I am pretty happy with them.
The kids had their last day of school today, and they were very happy!! Let SUMMER BEGIN!!

american cowboy icon

2009-05-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my husband!

Here is our list of things we like best about you:

From Jeannie:

1. Kory gives wonderful prayers. I still remember the blessing he gave to Hayden as a baby. It struck me as so powerful at the time and has stayed with me.

2. Kory has made me realize that I like a lot of things I never would have thought I could! Like elk! Oh my GOSH that was so yummy!

3. Kory has confidence in his kids being able to do hard things. I was so impressed when the whole clan hiked to White Pine last year.

4. He loves dogs : )

5. He is a genuine horse whisperer. I remember getting to ride someone's horses over in Huntsville one year. They were pretty skittish. I thought I could coax one to calm down. Nope. But Kory walked over and put his hand on its face and pretty soon that horse was his best friend. Calm as a spring morning. It was awesome to see!

From Fati:

6-I remember when Todd, Kory, Amy and I rode horses a long time ago. And he rode his horse and went forward with his rope to catch one calf that was in the neighbors lot. I was so surprise that things like that were not only from movies. He is my very American Cowboy Icon.

7. He made a good use of this last name.

8. He is a man of action

From Todd:

8.I like all of Kory's witty remarks at family gatherings. He has a way of making the absurd seem, well, absurd, as it should seem.

9. I also appreciate what a good father he is for my favorite oldest nephew and my favorite second-oldest niece. They adore him and that says a lot about what a good father he is.

From Toots:

10. He KNOWS a lot about cooking goooood food and can cook up a mighty fine elk dinner (like the one we had at Flaming Gorge)

11. He can pack up camping gear, tent, food and all and have it ready, organized and set-to-go (in the case when just Amy and kids came to Tony Grove that summer)

12. He loves the outdoors and so do we!!!

13. He's a good Dad to two wonderful kids whom we love to be around.

14.He's got a great laugh!!! and never causes any contention

15. He has shared his yummy fish catch with us a time or two (from his Alaskan adventures)

From his favorite Wife:

16. He has a deep respect for his ancestors.

17. He can work the wranglers.

18. His smile. Still gets me every time.

19. He is a great teacher.

20. He is a wonderful father and husband, and makes time with us his number one top priority. XOXO

Wait there's more!!

From Abs:

Kory is a master craftsman. I love to see the latest improvements and newest builds when we come to visit. He built a great garden box and I love the easel he made for Amy. Kory is great with my kids. He always takes special notice of them and wants to give them high fives and show them things. James thinks he’s the best and loves to follow him all over the place ‘helping’ him do his work. Kory helped me several times with Drew in Flaming Gorge and I appreciated it so much. Drew was happy as could be going for a walk with Kory and playing with his mustache. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near Kory with a gun if I were an animal. He’s made some pretty great kills over the years and we all love it when he shares his catches and shows off his cooking skills. I remember going to a barn dance a few years back and being impressed by Kory’s mad country dancin’ skillz. Kory is tough on the outside, soft on the inside…like a hand-dipped ice cream cone. He has a deep love for Amy and a sweet love for Hayden and Emma.

Happy 35 years!!!!!

what about your mind? does it shine on?

2009-05-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

She has a crush. My six year old. He has asked her to the prom. 11 years from now. He has red hair and freckles, and is indeed...very cute. She has ideas. She has a plan. She has a crush.

So, big deal, I say. Everyone needs a first crush.

When I was young, my crush delivered pizza, and we used to play the lottery by ordering a pizza and hoping it would be him that delivered. It was....electrifying. To have the crush within talking distance. We hid in the stairwell, while my friends mom would pay for the pizza. Rewind. Fast forward. That crush moved on, and I grew up. The pizza place...well it remains.

a goal set. a goal completed.

2009-05-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

My goal was to run the half marathon in two hours and fifteen min. I just checked my official time, which was posted this morning, and it was 2:14.58 HAHAH!! Seriously!!

FINISHED!!!!!

2009-05-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

Today was AMAZING. I loved it. Each mile. I finished with my goal time of 2:15, although I am not sure of my final time yet.

I LOVED all the supporters!! Dad on the Dam, Mom on the turn into the canyon, Toots, Jeannie, and kids at the mouth of the canyon (the sign ROCKED!!), Kory, Hayden and Em on the last mile, Jen in the last quarter mile, and then the whole gang back at the finish line! I could NOT have asked for a more fantastic experience, or more fantastic friends and family. Whoot Hoooooo!!!!!

sad doesnt know.

2009-05-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

Sad doesn't know that it was her time to go. That her body was in pain. That she could not take another breath. Sad just knows how much I will miss her. How much I loved her.

I love you GRAM!! I will run my bestest tomorrow, and I know you didn't like to exercise but I may need your help around mile 11!

breakdown. let go.

2009-05-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

Her engine is shutting down. There is no sound. The tracks don't bend. This old train...is breaking down. I don't want to let her go. So I keep on rolling. But this old train...is breaking down. I need this old train. She can't stop now. Breakdown. You can't stop nothing if you've got no control. No more control. No more connecting. Breakdown. Let go. Breakdown. Let go. Breakdown. Let go.

a great day

2009-05-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

me, my mom, Jeannie, and Toots.

Julie and I after our race on Saturday.

Yesterday was so much fun with a 5K race in SLC and a Mother's Day BBQ at my house with my brother Darin and Sisters, Jeannie and Toots, my nieces and nephews and of course my Mom and Dad. The guys grilled all the meat and we all ate until we could eat no more. Toots made some FANTASTIC salads, and Jeannie brought ultra desserts which I loooooved. I am very thankful today for my mother, and her great example to me. She had six kids in eight years and did so much to make our childhood enriched with the good things in life that matter. I am also thankful that I am a mom to Hayden and Emma. Every single day. Even the hard ones.