Tuesday, October 27, 2009

surfing the pain.

When I went into labor with Emma I had no idea I would be doing it all without pain meds. It was not supposed to be that way. Luckily for me, I had the best nurse ever, and she taught me how to surf the pain. Each wave was filled with intensity so strong and deep that I could only think about being smothered by it. I thought I would never make it. My life felt as if it were ending, and although I knew realistically I was going to be ok...I had enourmouse doubts about myself during those 45 minutes. Over and over my angel nurse cheered me on, "surf the pain, surf the pain..." . Minutes felt like hours. Each contracting gave and took away my strength.

That day, I saw my soul. The soul you only see when you have pushed yourself far beyond what you think is possible. The soul that nobody else knows. The one that gets you through your hardest moments. I saw that soul. Just for a second. Then the pain was gone. The waves melted away. And a baby cried.

So, tonight, I am thinking about surfing. In the end the biggest waves are the ones that bring the most victory. And I wonder. Will I be strong enough.

5 comments:

J + A Humphreys said...

That picture is just awesome. So beautiful - place and girl. :) Life is hard sometimes, huh? Tough moments for sure. But, lots and lots and lots of good ones too. Surfing is a great analogy. Ride the tough waves until you make to the beach and get to lay out and sip on a smoothie and get tan and feel good. You can do it! You are one of the toughest people I know AND you can do it with a smile. LY!

Inside my heart said...

Amy, I was checking out your photography and it sounds like you are taking a much needed break. Just to let you know old friends (not by age) are thinking about you.

Toots said...

I think that your delivery with Emma was certainly not what you expected, but after all, I also think that you're glad it happened that way. And, now that you're leaning towards "surfing the pain" again, then you know what you can prepare for. I feel there is a good chance I could have delivered naturally with Seth or Isaac but I sure chose the other way. It makes me wonder what it had been like if I would have had more courage to go all the way. I think you're very brave, Aim.

johansen viking said...

Amy, your blog is bringing back many memories of me surfing the pain...3x. I don't regret it. I would do it again. Because...of the place I never knew I could take myself, of the strength I never knew I had, because of how powerful I felt and the relief of hearing that baby cry. What an amazing Soul Booster! Either way...I have to say, epidurals or a-la-natural...its tough to carry and deliver a baby. No doubt about that! We wish you the very best!

Jill said...

Amy - just wanted to tell you congratulations!

Congrats! Pain fades as summer lingers....