Thursday, September 24, 2009

one of those days.

Monday was one of those days. When I realized, quite stark and simply, that time was running out. My son, well, he turned the magical age of 10. Double digits. I realized that the future held less time with him than more...within the walls of living in our home. It made me sad deep down in that place where you hide all your emotions that you never really share with anyone. The place where you fear something happening to one of your kids. The place where you sacrifice everything to be a better mom, or dad. That place that you go when you try and think of how you can teach your kids the best ways to defend themselves in this ever changing world. That was the place my mind wandered too, and I just got sad.
The most pure form of love is from a parent to a child. In this case, a mother to her child. There was cake, there was presents, there was food. There was also a pit in my stomach. Just 9 more birthdays and he will be on his way. Maybe by then I will be ready. I won't fear. I will be proud of everything I have taught him. Maybe by then, he will be ready too.


Toots said...

Wow, when you put it the way you did---about Hayden having 9 more birthdays at home---it really does hit you.'s crazy to think he and Karina are 10 now. That is a big kid! I loved what you wrote---especially the part where you said you will be proud with what you taught Hayden. He will soak it all in, Aim, and use it because that is the kind of boy he smart and helpful and loving. Not to mention a very handsome kid. I have loved watching him grown and having him come here to play.

Rich and Tyra said...

Okay that totally just gave me goosebumps all over! It is true, when they first come to you it feels like you have forever but the older they get you realize just how little time we get them and how little time we have to teach them and keep them safe before they have to go out on their own and make their own decisions. I bet it makes you that much happier to be having another one tho so when he goes, your house won't feel as empty! He is such a cute kid!