I am scared. Scared that this disease that has a hold of my Gram will erase all of my memories of lucky charms and sleepovers. I want to visit her, but I am scared. Scared that she will forget me. Scared that she will not know my name. Scared that she will ask where Grandpa is and I will not be able to hold back my tears that somehow creep in each time I think of him. I wonder sometimes after all of these years of living with a different kind of pain, after surviving cancer, and working so hard for her family that she was challenged with one of the most difficult conditions for both family and self, that of dementia. It was just a few years ago that I stopped by her house on a cold spring morning and sat and had breakfast with her and Grandpa. Toast, always slightly burnt, and eggs, always slightly undercooked. It was just ten years ago that I would call Grandma and ask her to meet me at the Tiffin room for lunch, and she would drive down and we would share a meal together and she and I would talk about all of her struggles and mine too. When the bill would come I would try and snatch it up and she would always say "I am older and I have more money!" It was just twenty years ago that I stopped by their house after a great day of high school and Gram poured me a Pepsi and told me how beautiful I looked. It was twenty five years ago when I laid on her couch one Sunday evening with a headache so strong I could feel my heart in my head and she again and again laid a cold wash rag on my forehead until the pain went away. It was twenty eight years ago that I called her one Friday night and asked her if I could have a sleepover. She would lay out a blanket next to her and Grandpa's bed and I would fall asleep there. In the morning I could here them whispering, and I would pretend to still be asleep. I can see you Gram, in all those memories, and I am scared. Scared that those memories will be replaced by questions, asked over and over again. Of someone who is unsure where they are and who surrounds them. Someday will find you in a sweeter place Gram. A better rain. It will leave behind a rainbow in the sky, and you will be alright again. A better rain.