hello third trimester, nice to finally be here

So, I started this project at a slim 118 lbs. As of tonight, I am a pregnantly 147 lbs. and, I still have 12 weeks to go. (I will now talk Kate Gosselin style...asking myself questions and then answering them) Am I worried? No. Do I wish that I only gained 20 lbs? Absolutely. I would never deny that. Do I think I will hit a weight gain of 60 lbs again? I would like to say yes, but honestly, I am just trying to do what is best for my child. Do I do everything perfectly? So no. But, I do have to go to sleep at night knowing that I have done my best.

Here is a pic of her little mug from the ultra sound tonight. Very distorted but so fun to have a 3D photo. It actually looks like a big brain, but if you look close, you can see a very cute face. Do I think she looks like Kory? Absolutely, but without the mustache.

im still hanging on.

• To the first dance I had with Kory. Nobody had ever given me weak knees like that.
• To the feeling I got when I learned I had earned a large scholarship from Hastings to get me through my last leg of college. Thank you HASTINGS!
• To the time Bishop Cherrington pulled me out of Relief Society in my singles ward in Logan just to tell me that he loved me.
• To the panic I felt when I saw a little girl, not even two, out in the middle of the road with no parents in sight. I drove past. Then stopped, and turned around. I picked up this little girl and walked from house to house for what felt like forever, trying to find her mom. I won't ever forget when we finally found her and her tears of gratitude. This little girl was far from home. I still don't know how we found her mom.
• To the look Trev gave me from the stand in church when I got up from sitting next to all my friends and instead sat by Diane Feldshaw, a girl with no friends.
• To the hug Kory gave me in my parents laundry room after I had had a terrible day. He borrowed a car, and drove all the way from Logan to Ogden just to make me feel better.
• To the feeling I got when I saw my Gramp and Dad both dressed in ARMY green. Gramp in his WWII uniform, and my dad in his formal ARMY uniform preparatory to become promoted to a colonel.
• To the fear I felt when I lost my brakes going over Sardine Canyon.
• The gratitude I felt when I realized that baby Hayden was ok after living in a house full of carbon monoxide when he was just an infant.
• My father in law telling me that I make 'very good rolls'.
• To the good looking guy in the Smiths in Logan ,when I was on an errand for Hastings, who walked right up to me and said, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." That was a good day.
• To the neighbor in my home ward who told me that I had potential as an artist, then took the time to teach me. Thank you Mrs. Chris Millard!
• To my first Krispe Kreme.
• To the great hug that Abs gave me when we first got to Chicago to visit them years ago.
• To the day I realized that I had finally found the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe.
• To the moment I knew that My Gram would never be the same, and it took my heart away, and I drowned in tears. That was a sad day, I miss that Gram.
• To the immense desire to want to be a mom.
• To the way I felt when I first held Hayden and I knew he was special, and perfect, and mine.
• To the nice words my friend Alec said to me the other day at work. That I was pretty before, but that I was even more beautiful pregnant.
• To the day in 5th grade when someone left me a huge anonymous valentine.
• To the feeling I got when I finally caught a wave in San Diego.
• To the moment I knew that the BOM was true. The very moment. The moment I can't ever deny.
• To all of the amazing trips that Mom and I have been on together. San Diego, Chicago, New York, San Francisco. It is energizing to travel with her, and just spend time with her doing adventures.
• To my sisters happy teary face when Bobbi Jo and I went to visit her at the Lodge in Jackson Lake.
• To how I felt in my prom dress.
• To the intense happiness I had in my whole body when I hit mile 11 on the half marathon and I knew I was going to make it.
• To the feeling I had when I finally got the leather mini skirt in high school that I had been saving for. I loved that bit of cow hide.
• To the day I got brave enough to jump off of the dock at First Dam in Logan in the middle of the night with all of my friends.
• To the moment I knew someone loved me and wanted to be with me forever.
• To the ABBA concert this summer with my dad, brother, and sisters. I love that we have music in our bones and that we all get our oddness!
• To the man who came up to me after I gave a talk in Sacrament Meeting and told me that I had changed his life by my words.
• To the first time I rode the white roller coaster at Lagoon.
• To the nice, sincere, amazing words that Kory's uncle said to me when he gave me my new ring.
• To each night when Emma yells from the top of the stairs "Your the best mom in the whole PLANET!" and then Hayden echos, "Your the best mom in the whole UNIVERSE!" Not much can top that.

what women want.

Women want to be cherished, we want to laugh, we want a man who smells good. We want to be needed, to feel special, and to have an occasional break from the duties of the household. We want shoes to be put away, good toilet paper, the garbage always taken out, and nicely clipped fingernails. We want kisses on the back of the neck, three seconds hugs, and back rubs with no expectations. We want a man that can cook, and is not afraid of the kitchen or the grill. We want kids to wake up happy and grateful, we want a closet full of outfits that we love. We want to be able to change our mind and have people not question us. We want friends that love us, and don't judge. We want meaningful conversation. Amazing connections. Happy endings. And the perfect family picture for the Christmas card. :)

thinking about giving up.

Sarcasm. So the deal is, I love sarcasm. I grew up with it. I go to work with it. I use it in my daily conversations. But, sarcasm, I am giving you up. At least for a few days. If things go well, I may try for a week. For now, I am just going to focus on today. I have a feeling it is going to be harder than I think.

things I like that most do not, and things I don't that most do

I like strangers touching my belly.
I don't like ice cream sandwiches.
I like/loveeee leg warmers.
I don't like movies set in the 1800's where the women wear big dresses - however I would like one of those big dresses.
I like asking people questions nobody else dares.
I don't like the super duper Twilight craze - however, I was one of the first to read the book, and I DO love the book. Just not the craze.
I like waking up to the windows open and light spilling in. Good morning sun. Good morning day.
I don't like big surprises. Unless they involve a lot of money.
I like sneaking a few Christmas songs before Halloween.
I don't like the obligation of tons of neighbor gifts.
I like pickles at the movie - however, this is just in fantasy. Who really gets a pickle at the movie?

out with the red, in with the blue.

When I decided to transform my dining room into a sitting room/office area my friend Kim suggested cool blue and chocolate brown. Which is exactly what I did. The real name for this paint color is 'fog'. It is hard to tell the true color in this picture, but it truly does look like the color of fog. Once I get the curtains up and a desk in I will send more pics. For now I am pretty happy with it!

surfing the pain.

When I went into labor with Emma I had no idea I would be doing it all without pain meds. It was not supposed to be that way. Luckily for me, I had the best nurse ever, and she taught me how to surf the pain. Each wave was filled with intensity so strong and deep that I could only think about being smothered by it. I thought I would never make it. My life felt as if it were ending, and although I knew realistically I was going to be ok...I had enourmouse doubts about myself during those 45 minutes. Over and over my angel nurse cheered me on, "surf the pain, surf the pain..." . Minutes felt like hours. Each contracting gave and took away my strength.

That day, I saw my soul. The soul you only see when you have pushed yourself far beyond what you think is possible. The soul that nobody else knows. The one that gets you through your hardest moments. I saw that soul. Just for a second. Then the pain was gone. The waves melted away. And a baby cried.

So, tonight, I am thinking about surfing. In the end the biggest waves are the ones that bring the most victory. And I wonder. Will I be strong enough.

seeing pink.

When Kory and I went to the ultrasound on Friday I don't think I have ever been so nervous. I have been a taddd bit high strung the last few weeks. Hum, ya. Partly because I just wanted to know that some of my big concerns about the baby could be put to rest. Partly because life is so busy right now.

I have had more than one dream that this little one was a girl, so I would have been VERY thrown off it it had been a boy. When we finally got to the part when the ultrasound tech tells us what we are having...I got VERY scared. EEPS! All this time telling everyone we ARE having a girl, what if I was wrong??? She typed up on the ultrasound pic, "I'm a Girl!", and then, I knew. 3 for 3. 3 dreams for three kids. All right. I was so excited, and emotional. I don't remember ever dropping tears like that for the other two.
When I got home and told Emma and Hayden, well Emma did cartwheels (really!), and Hayden hung his head and walked away. So, later I explained to him my dream and that I had one for him too. He will come around. His biggest concern is that she will be just like Emma. :) "Double the trouble Mom!"
So today we are seeing pink, and so happy to have this new little Hannah Margaret* join our family the first part of March. How lucky am I?

*Kory picked this name the day I told him we were having another baby. We both really like the nickname Maggie, and come up with it the same weekend - and at different times - so it really has been hard to shake, and keeps coming back to both of us. We will see if the name changes, but for now this is it!

big foot is real and other things I believe.

So what if I believe??

1. Big Foot is real. Joe Sako and I spent over 12 minutes researching this. There have been several sightings in northern Utah. One even at Barker fish farm. That is enough for me. Also, they have a strong odor. What hairy beast that has lived thousands of years wouldn't???


2. Pennies are lucky. Emma and I collect each one we find, Lincoln up or down, and throw it on our path of good luck. Which by the way is veerrrry lucky. One day that path will be lined with lucky pennies that nobody wanted but us.


3. There are two kinds of head colds in this world: A man cold and a woman cold. That is all I want to say about that. I just hope I never get the man head cold.
4. Sting never washes his hair. I actually know this. I read it on E!
5. If you get two stars on the Tootsie Pop it means NOTHING! Don't try and turn it in at
   King's for a free anything. It won't happen. I have tried this. Twice.
6. Love at first sight is very real when you are talking about anything made with chocolate.
7. If you lift your feet, touch a screw, close your eyes and drive over rail road tracks while making a wish of your heart, it won't come true. Also, wishing on stars is marginal. Once when I was seven, and living in a home without sugar, I asked repeatedly for a bag of Jet-Puff marshmallows while wishing on the north star. It never happened. However, I have some in my pantry right now. Bag opened, getting nice and stale. YUM!
8. Numbers are lucky. I have a lucky number. It is not seven.

my kind of week.

The pics explain it all. :)

one of those days.

Monday was one of those days. When I realized, quite stark and simply, that time was running out. My son, well, he turned the magical age of 10. Double digits. I realized that the future held less time with him than more...within the walls of living in our home. It made me sad deep down in that place where you hide all your emotions that you never really share with anyone. The place where you fear something happening to one of your kids. The place where you sacrifice everything to be a better mom, or dad. That place that you go when you try and think of how you can teach your kids the best ways to defend themselves in this ever changing world. That was the place my mind wandered too, and I just got sad.

The most pure form of love is from a parent to a child. In this case, a mother to her child. There was cake, there was presents, there was food. There was also a pit in my stomach. Just 9 more birthdays and he will be on his way. Maybe by then I will be ready. I won't fear. I will be proud of everything I have taught him. Maybe by then, he will be ready too.

206 miles of endurance.

For a minute on Saturday morning I wanted to be a part. A part of all of these cyclists who put fear aside, pain on the backburner, and total logic at the bottom of their mind, and just ride. Abbie and I saw Justin my brother off at 6:30ish in the morning, he was in the CAT 1,2,3 group, which means he is fast and serious. Abbie and I followed him to Montpelier, where we both had serious nerves waiting for him to come through and grab the lunch bag Abbie had prepared for him. It was SO COOL!! He was off before we knew it, so we jumped in the car and went to the next feed stop, and then the next, and then the next. Each time I thought we would be waiting for hours for him to reach us, and each time it was so fast it was hard to imagine he was getting there on a bike. A few times we got to pass him in the car, and we would yell and cheer for him. When we finally made it to the last part of the race, we were worried Jut would beat us to the finish line, we pushed hard and passed him in the car with just a few miles to go. Mom, Dad, Abs and I ran/walked to the finish line just in time to hear "Juuuustin HUmphREYSsss everyone!!!" He was all alone in front and came in under 10 hours!! We were all so proud of him. Dad treated the whole crew to Bubba's afterward, THANKS DAD! It was an amazing day, and I have to say, I really got caught up in the excitement. All of those fit people. Riding 206 miles. With two legs, will, determination, and of course an amazing support crew.

done with the red.

On Sat I decided enough. Enough with a dining room that we never use. Enough with the red. Enough with the wasted space. So I took the leaf out of the dining room table, squished it together and moved it into the kitchen. Now I have a big empty room with red paint on the walls. Don't get me wrong. I have a secret love affair with red. Red high heels, red lips, red shirt that I love, cinnamon bears.... I love red. But, I have looked at this red room long enough, and now I am ready to paint it. Ideas anyone?? I want the space to have a desk in it, comfy chairs or a small couch, and a cool rug. I need a calming color, and will likely pair it with some shiny things (think Candice Olsen). In other news, I can't WAIT for fall!!! Bring on the football!! Bring on the pumpkins!! Bring on the sweaters!!!! :)

winners.

The chic over my right shoulder is the one I passed, ahhh so fun!

my little ocean.

Today I saw two little hands. Two little feet. I feel soooo emotional lately. Like shut off the water works already. Cried watching the following this weekend: Wild Hearts Can't be Broken, Hannah Montana the movie (i know right?), and Army Wives. I got a little misty eyed when Dad showed up to the County Fair fun run, and then when we all got a ribbon I was thinking that was pretty awesomeated. Additionally, I teared up listening to our favorite band Saturday night at the fair, Rough Stock. Sunday I got an email that made my cry, it was so sweet and I really needed it. So, I am thinking chips and salsa are in order to replenish my loss of salt water. Chili's anyone??

36 and Pregnant.

Several years ago Kory was asked to write up what his obituary would look like. A few of the things I remember from that slip of paper are that he was at home in the outdoors, and that he loved his wife and his three children.

It has stayed with me ever since.

Now I am 36 and pregnant. With number three. I feel a mix bag of emotions but fear is not one of them. I am eliminating scared from my emotional vocabulary. This time I will enjoy the changing of my body more than ever, and I will remember that this movement inside of me is a creation that is as close to a miracle as I have experienced.

lookilulu

I am so happy to be part of this fantastic project of women helping young girls find careers! So much fun! I was the 'spotlight' for the kick off of the website. Check it out!

www.lookilulu.com

A random pic

This is pretty much my kids favorite pose for pics. I have been a blog slacker lately. I am not sure why, but probably because I have no interesting random thoughts to share.

The 15 cent bum.

The other day I took the kids to SLC with me to do a photo shoot, and after we had lunch we went to the Gateway to run through the fountains. On the way there Emma saw her first bum up close. No, not the naked kind, although there were plenty of cracks showing at the fountain. The kind that sit on the corner of JCrew looking very sad holding up their cardboard signs. Emma, who often surprises me, kept talking about said bum for the next hour. Finally she told me that she wanted to give the bum some of her money that she brought with her. I said Emma are you going to give him a dollar? "No." Fifty cents? "No Mom." A quarter? "Nope, I am going to give him a dime and a nickel!". It was so sweet and sincere. Hayden was laughing, but I thought it was so cute. When she dropped the money into the bucket, her's was the only in there. She was pretty pleased with herself, and talked all the way home about what he would spend that 15 cents on. She determined that he would buy cat foot to feed his cat who also sat on that lonely corner by the cardboard sign. So eat up cat, here is one meal on Emma!

the perfect day.

Sometimes the perfect day is not perfect at all. It is getting lost with my girl Abs in San Diego cause we are having too much fun talking. It is playing with the puppy and laughing and rolling on the grass and then realizing later that you smell like doggy. It is coloring outside the lines. It is making breakfast for dinner. It is watching your daughter make you scrambled eggs, and then taking a bite of shell. It is laughing at yourself when you trip. It is finding your way with no plan. It is saying I love you to someone that knows you do, but never hears you say it. It is picking out a puppy for my husband and having no idea if I got the right one.

Sometimes the most perfect day is the day filled with the most imperfect moments. I like it that way. I really do.

dicks.

It was the summer of 2004. We had just finished a day trip to the Uinta's and we were all dirty, hot, and tired. As we rolled through the town of Kamas we saw, like an angel planted in our path, Dicks. I will never forget the shake, the onion rings. The love. There was a lot of love that day at Dicks. Well, except for Fati, I am not sure she had any greasy American food. And, if we are being totally honest, I think that our eating scared her. Possibly Todd's the most. It was just soooo....caveman like. I don't think they eat that way in Spain. Anyway...my mom, dad, brothers, my kids, all of us...ate like we had never eaten before. It was easily one of my best meals ever, and I have often said, if I had one last meal it would be from Dicks.

Well, like many good things, we have talked about Dicks forever. Each time we are together and we are eating healthy organical food I think, "Remember that one time when we pigged out at Dick's?" Then we all laugh. A lot of love. A lot of love.

So, Monday, when I decided to go with my mom and dad to the Uinta's, we traveled home the long way, to protect the Super Duty Ford truck from the chippers in Evanston (pronounced Ev-ing-ston). I was sleeping in the back, with the kids. My mom was chatting to keep my dad focused on the road. And then, ba boom! There was DICKS!! My gosh!!! My dad, making a split decision says. "AMY! That was DICKS!! Do you want to stop???!" Hellyes I wanna stop. So we did. Mom got onion rings. I got a shake. Dad got a foot long. It was a perfect ending to a perfect day. There was a lot of love that night at Dicks. A lot of love.

the suprise.

The bishop kissing Nola!

Best Friends for 40 years, Alvera and Nola.

All my helping hands.

Nola, glowing.

Shauntae and Nola.

I think that possibly one of the most exciting things you can do for someone is the unexpected. The big unexpected is even MORE fun. Late in the day on Monday I found out that my cute friend Nola had been neglected on her 90th birthday. Nobody had made her a cake, and there were no candles for her to blow out. 90 years!!! Of course when I heard this I told my friend Alvera, her BFF, to have her at my house at 6pm and I WOULD have a house of PeOPLE, CAKE, and a PARTY!!! Luckily the house was clean, so all I needed to do was run and go get a cake and some balloons. I called three people, and they called ...and then they called...and then they called. I had people volunteering to bring things, and the urgency of the party and making Nola feel special made all of us work together so well. I told the lady at the cake counter at Kent's the story of Nola and how she had been forgotten, and when I went to get the cake a few minutes later (she put her name on the cake), the price was slashed in half. The unexpected. The tiny unexpected. I felt a rush of just pure happiness and true love for this cute lady. At 6pm the cars started to fill our driveway and by 5 after 6 we had a room packed with people. Alvera arrived with Nola just minutes later. Her expression was priceless as we all said "SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" I pulled a warm chocolate cake out of the oven (the only way she likes it), and gave her a big piece. Everyone brought cards and made her feel so loved. THANK you to ALL my friends who helped me in this small cause. I am so lucky to have each of you!

channeling my inner Paula!!!

Randy aka Wendy Wilson, Paula aka me, Simon aka Mark Jones

Ohhhh it is SO much fun to be a complete airhead! I loved playing the role of Paula again at MarketStar ROCKBAND 2009!!!

A few of the things I said:

" When you open your mouth to sing, there is something very very soothing about your voice, and its like a breath of fresh air, and its like, ahhh, I love that voice, and its different from any other voice in the competition, so keep on going."

"All you can do is the best you can do."

"That's what I call ARTISTRY!!"

"Shut up Simon!" *note, Simon never said anything to me

ALL of the performers were FANTASTIC!!!!

the ego

What happens when you let go of your ego and just let the other senses take over? Do you become more vulnerable? Hummm. This is what I think about at 11pm at night. I think having a bit of an ego is essential right? But also being able to open up and admit you are wrong is pretty important too. Too much pride will kill you. Too little will make you go un noticed. Or will it. Hummm.

cha cha cha cherry hill

Despite the weather being rainy most of the weekend, we did indeed have an amazing time. The food JD, Kory, Jerry, and crew fixed was AMAZING. We had BBQ chicken, cheesy dutch oven tatoes, beans, rolls, salad, and 2nds all around. The kids had a good time swimming on Friday night, and we were all glad that the sun came out on Sunday. Yeah! We also got to see a lot of family, it was so fun to hold my nieces baby Charlie, he is so cute! I am glad that this tradition is still standing, as it is a great time to visit with Kory's side of the family.

I must confess.

I kick my husband when he snores. I love blue collar workers, especially elevator repair men. I can't get ready in the morning without music. Carving pumpkins makes me a little queasy. I used to go to the truck pulls with my Dad in Morgan just hoping I would meet someone 'nice'. I shave my legs religiously each morning, and sometimes again at night. The older I get the more risks I take. I get upset each and every time I open an Almond Joy when realize there really are just two almonds. I have always wanted to wear glasses. I feel very inadequate mingling in group settings, however I am very at ease speaking in front of a large group. I can eat a whole pound of Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory chocolate in 3 days. I loooove hand dipped corn dogs from the fair. Love them. I check out hands. I hope Boozer gets traded. I rarely sit still and relax without falling asleep. I don't like when people wipe their nose and then look in their Kleenex. I have cried at work. When people ask me if I remember them, I always say yes (even when I don't!), then...just as my father taught me I say " I remember your last name...but tell me your first name again.." after which they repeat their entire name, works every time.

i don't understand

1. kate gosselin's hair
2. where my motivation for running went
3. how people keep up on their laundry
4. why people are still wearing banana clips. two sightings in two days!
5. why your face gets wrinkles but not your hiney
6. where chemistry comes from, you know the butterfly kind deep in your tummy
7. pigs in a blanket, how you make them, or the desire to eat them
8. why all the bachelor's and bachelorettes take helicopter rides. Soooo not reality!
9. why I must have a bowl of cold cereal, name brand and sugar kind, before bed
10. gravity
11. how the stars look so close but are so far away

the BBQ

Nothin like a good BBQ to kick off summer! Hayden, Joe D, Joe S.

Mike chillin before dinner.

The ladies...Wendy, Robyn, Gina, Amy, Julie, and Wendy.

Steve and Julie

Emma takes PK on a horse back ride. Well, Emma IS almost 7!

Like two little kids at the fair! We could not stop laughing! Watching them mount the horse and dismount brought me to tears!

My little sunshine.

Notice Robyn in this pic. I love it!!

Joe, Robyn, and Wendy

Joe and Torey.

Hayden working on his mean spiral.

Parker!

Cutest ever PK and the horses.

Kory grilling elk, salmon, chicken, and pheasant.

Gorgeous Gina!

We had a few people from work come for a BBQ and we had a great time! Everyone brought a side dish - Gina brought her famous baked beans, they are AMAZING!! Wendy D brought freshly baked rolls...mmmmm so good, J Pipp made the best cobbler we have ever had...apple and raspberry and he timed it just right, Julie brought a fruit tray filled with EVERY kind of my favorite fruit and a super light whipped dip, and Robyn made a green salad with strawberries that was perfect for summer!

I feel so fortunate to be able to work with so many fine people. I call each one of them friend, and rightly so. Thanks for coming everyone!!

i felt the EARTH move UNDER my feet!

Emma dancing her hawaiian dance.


Last day of school!!

New glasses...

Luckily no sky came tumbling down. It was SO fun to be part of an earthquake!! WHOO HOO!! Anyway, my first thought was not...RUN TO A DOOR WAY!! It was WHAT IN THE H ARE THE KIDS DOING DOWNSTAIRS!!! Hummm. I need to work on that.

So, I went the the doctor on Monday and it turns out I am far sighted, which means I have a hard time focusing up close. I was wondering why my head and eyes felt so strained after a day of working at the computer. I picked out some cute librarian glasses, and Emma made sure to tell me that I look better without glasses. However, I am pretty happy with them.
The kids had their last day of school today, and they were very happy!! Let SUMMER BEGIN!!